He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
