hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
