I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
