I will die if light touches me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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