If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dick very happy bro
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
