you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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