we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
