omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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