I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
