He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
