you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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