so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
