I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
