there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
