In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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