CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
