my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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