That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
