I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
