So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
