every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
