So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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