Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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