This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
