the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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