I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
