So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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