Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
