In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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