just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
