He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
