lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
