the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
