it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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