MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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