Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
