Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
