dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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