your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
