you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
