Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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