We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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