I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
