college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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