is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
