She announced her abortion via fbk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
