apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You pole danced in your parka.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
