I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
