Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
