Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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