I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
