We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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