I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
