all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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