yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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