You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
