Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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