You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
