So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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