a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize