until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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