i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
