Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
