did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
