This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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