id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
