mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
