Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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